ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
