Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
