How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
