Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
