Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
