what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
