I smell stomach acid.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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