Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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