we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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