If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
