If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
