Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
