he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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