Sponge bath it is.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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