foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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