just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
