He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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