All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
