It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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