So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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