No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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