my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Every concussion has its silver lining
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
