Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i dont even know how to be here
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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