i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
