Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
