She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
