I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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