the condom got lost in my hair
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
