Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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