haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
