DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
