im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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