We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
