This is not my ceiling
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You have to summon your inner elephant
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
