yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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