We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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