Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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