just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
