Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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