Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
