Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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