Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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