3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
