You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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