I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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