After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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