Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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