MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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