I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
