I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
