I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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