Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
