Your mouth is God's brothel.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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