Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
