I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
