I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
