Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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